Psychology of a Flirt
Flirt is actually a pretty mild way of putting it, and doesn’t really do it any justice. A flirt displays public behavior of a sexual undertone, primarily for the sake of attention, but she won’t necessarily lead you on intentionally, and if her actions are mistaken for genuine interest, she won’t necessarily derive any satisfaction from letting you down, and may even apologize for it. She just wants to have fun, and yes she plays rough sometimes, but she means well for the most part. What I’m really talking about is a breadcrumber, which is something entirely different.
You see, a harmless flirt may be selfish at times, and may even possess some narcissistic traits, but she’s not a narcissist the way the breadcrumber is. Not all flirts are breadcrumbers, but all breadcrumbers are flirts by default, the difference lies in their intentions. When dealing with any flirt, you can act friendly, and social, and all that, but it is still your responsibility to safeguard your heart by not falling so easily for a perfect stranger whose intentions should be as strange to you as the stranger herself, and the last time you checked, your name isn’t Professor X.
You will know if you’re dealing with a breadcrumber if she is persistent in getting her way really early on in you getting to know her, often at your expense, and your best efforts to protect your heart just isn’t good enough. That’s her narcissism coming up to the surface, because in her mind, she’s looking at you like you’re her servant, and she feels that her wants are more important than your needs. She’s probably reinforcing her persistence with underhanded tactics to get her way, and turning everybody against you in the process with the hopes of isolating you, and setting you up to take the blame for everything.
When she’s caught, she’ll either: out rightly ignore what you said, or act like she didn’t hear you, or flat out deny it, or rage at you to keep you from asking questions, and the only time she’ll apologize is if she can feel you slipping away from her, and even then, it won’t be a sincere apology, nor will it be long before she reverts back to her old ways. Either way, rather than taking ownership for her actions, and make a concerted effort to do better, she will switch tactics to keep the odds tipped entirely in her favor, because for her it’s all about control.
Although you have male breadcrumbers gaslighting female victims, this article is primarily focused more on the female breadcrumbers gaslighting male victims, because these cases are more rampant, and far more insidious, especially seeing as how the male victim can’t fight back like he really wants to without looking crazy, or dangerous. What is particularly nefarious about induced infatuation happening to a male, is that the moment the female comes into close proximity to a man, she is automatically considered a victim by society, even for which no crime was committed.
If he tells her how he feels about her, she might shame him for having those feelings before ultimately shunning him, or she might lead him on by faking interest in him while setting him up for a number of possible scenarios that won’t end well for him. God forbid he does something as foolish as to confront her with the intent of trying to convince her that she should be his, then he would’ve given her the ammo she needs to do what she probably wanted to do in the first place. He would’ve pretty much set himself up at that point.
For that reason, the man often has to control his feelings for her, and if he doesn’t have any form of support group, he will likely suffer in silence until the infatuation either runs its natural course, or until she breaks his heart by revealing her man, in which case he’ll then be forced to control yet another feeling that he’ll instantly develop for her in that moment, or risk going to jail. Either way, he’s forced to control one feeling, or another.
As I said before, society considers females on a whole to be victims by default, often for which no crime was committed. They love to coddle them, and narcissistic feminists easily pick up on this fact, and use it to their advantage. They love to pull the victim card for any, or no reason, this is especially true if the man in question is robust in stature. Narcissistic petite women love targeting men of the big and tall variety for the sole purpose of pulling the victim card to get their way at his expense. Although I think it’s worth mentioning that their victim playing tendency is a product of their narcissism, and not their physical frame. In fact, the only time cops and robbers are friends is when they’re running to the rescue of a “damsel in distress” hoping to save her from that “terrible brut of a man” for which they have no evidence that a crime was even committed, not that they need one.
Because of all of this, he will likely control his feelings, and not reveal how he truly feels about this woman to protect his safety, which can prove quite the lonely experience, far lonelier than simply being in a room by himself. He will likely suffer in silence for many moons throughout all the gaslighting, cock-teasing, and infatuation that’s induced against his will. He probably doesn’t understand what he’s going through himself, and if he tries to explain it, he will look crazy because it can’t be proven due to its insidious nature.
This can go on for many months, if not years, and when he finally breaks free, and starts talking to other girls, the narcissist will become furious that she’s losing her grip, and switch roles to accuse him of cheating. If the situation was reversed, she would’ve said that she never promised you anything, you’re out of your mind, but when you move on, all of a sudden, you’re cheating. Funny how quickly she forgets that she never promised you anything. Don’t be confused, she knows exactly what she’s doing, this is the height of absolute wickedness, particularly because she’s toying with your mind, and your emotions with criminal negligence like it was her own personal plaything, with no regard to how it’s affecting you, even as your very sanity hangs in the balance.
The part that gets me everytime though, is why do they relentlessly try to push the same false narrative, no matter how preposterous it sounds, and even when they know that you know the truth? Why do they still expect you to settle for their patty crumbs, when someone else is offering you oxtail with extra gravy on the rice and peas? Why do they have to try to ruin all your future relationships, unless you literally move to another state, and block them, and all of their minions on all social media platforms? Why can’t they just let you be, so you can be with whoever you want?
Above all else, how the fuck is it possible for one to cheat in a relationship, if you are literally the only one in the relationship? I reiterate, it’s all about control, their egos won’t allow them to let you off the hook. If you walk away feeling satisfied, that means you’ve “won the game,” whatever that means, and they would’ve lost control in that moment. Besides, if they notice something about you that they want, they’re going to do everything in their power to try and get it, or at the very least take it away from you if they realize it can never be theirs. All of their actions should be seen as red flags to indicate that these kind of people are not normal. On the surface they may act like real tough, and superior, but on the inside, they’re deeply insecure, and deeply jealous of good people. It’s a lot of crazy people out here, and society is full to the brim of these types. It’s more of them than we could’ve ever thought possible, and certainly more than we could’ve ever been prepared for, but how did they end up that way?
Much of it stems from childhood trauma. Some of these people were neglected, and mistreated, some were even molested, and it messed them up mentally. So now that they’re grown, they’re out for blood, they want to make everyone around them feel as bad as they feel, after all, misery loves company. They HATE the happiness of genuinely good people, it triggers them to reflect on how miserable they really are inside, so they find the one they perceive (often misperceive) as being the weakest link, and do everything in their power to disrupt their meds, often as punishment for them daring to be happy. In Jamaica we have this saying, “if you can’t catch Quacko, catch his shirt.” As for who Quacko is, or was, whether real, or fictional, he represents the target of your revenge who’s probably too quick to catch, so the next best thing is to try grabbing hold of his shirt as he’s fleeing.
With that said, with narcissists being the cowards that they are, they either can’t locate their childhood abuser, or don’t possess the courage to confront them directly, either way, they’re looking for low hanging fruit, and somehow, they see you as Quacko’s shirt, which is not a true depiction of who you are. Sometimes they get it wrong, and get their asses handed to them. But you still need to be aware of how they see you, which would explain the heat checks that they run on you, and why they often still hang around you even when they’re being antagonistic, and you make it very plain you want nothing to do with them.
This would also explain why they’d seek someone struggling with their self-esteem, and also why the narcissist themselves say and do things to diminish your self-esteem to set you up to chase their validations right from the jump. Why else would someone still hang around you after they done gave you the impression that they’re not interested in you? Why else would they put you in the friend zone when they don’t even like you as a friend? I think they wake up every morning with the goal in mind to find a scapegoat they can punish, and dump all their toxicity on.
It’s like they wake up low on energy, and start freaking out, then they’re like, “Oh, that’s right, lemme text so and so, and see what they got going on.” Some people turn to substance abuse to cope with their emotional trauma, the narcissist turns to people who they can antagonize to siphon off their energy. That’s how they end up becoming addicted to people because they like the way the transfer of energy makes them feel. Substance abuse is not a healthy alternative either, but at least you’re not bothering anybody if you choose to light up a ganja spliff in the privacy of your domain.
It is very common for narcissists to use stories of childhood trauma as an excuse to torment the people in their present lives, because if we went through similar things, or worse in some cases, and we are not running around tormenting people, but in fact many of us are telling our stories, and giving suggestions to empower those who are experiencing something similar, then whether, or not they were abused doesn’t matter, they’re still using it as an excuse to play on your sympathies so you can keep giving them chances they don’t deserve. If you were abused, yes you’ll be triggered at times, yes you’ll be angry, yes you’ll feel like lashing out at the world, but not to this psychotic and manipulative proportion, this is something else entirely. Some of these people are just plain wicked regardless of whether, or not they were abused. Many of them had a reasonably good childhood, and are flat out making things up, oftentimes based on the things that they have done to others, while also adding to it with details that were fabricated straight from their imaginations.
Someone who establishes this many layers of deception to maintain their position in the situation will never change, they’ll just keep on switching tactics, because to them it’s all about winning, and nothing else matters. Someone with this level of megalomania can’t be reasoned with, the best thing you can do is to go complete no contact from them, and everyone that connects you to them. Don’t believe for one second that their friends are your friends. Their friends are covertly positioned in your life as your handlers, their job is to help keep you in check. The “good” one is really just the quiet one, birds of a feather flocks together. It is up to you to do your due diligence when dealing with these types of people, don’t allow yourself to be used as quacko’s shirt.
I will say this much though, going through a bout of induced infatuation that’s designed to make you a pawn in someone else’s game is a very lonely experience, oftentimes more so than actually being in a room by yourself. For that reason, you will need some kind of support group, even if it’s online, or if it’s group therapy, but whatever you decide on doing, the last thing you want is to have a go at it alone, or keep it bottled in. Tell someone you can trust, if you don’t have the luxury of trustworthy people in your immediate circle, tell it to a total stranger who you can be sure you’ll never see again. I find that writing and podcasting helps, I find it very therapeutic to write out my feelings in an article, even as I’m trying to help others. This is how many songs are written. You went through the pain, now it’s time to get paid.
