How to Protect Your Heart from Users and Takers:

The recent “entanglement” involving Jada Pinkett, and August Alsina got me remembering the events of my early life. While there are many who see August as a home wrecker, I actually see him as the victim he really is, even though I admit he was wrong for becoming sexually involved with a married woman, and his friend’s mother of all persons.

When I was around 22, I was working as a telemarketer in New York, and there was an older woman on my job who I had the misfortune of falling in love with, but she was seeing someone else at the time. Funny thing is, this guy also worked at my job, and I had to see them both at work every day, which wasn’t easy for me. Every time they saw me, they would hug each other hoping it would trigger my jealousy. She could’ve just let me be, but she kept coming around me, showing interest, and leading me on. I don’t think I would’ve had the same level of interest in her if she wasn’t constantly showing up wherever I was at, always trying to be around me. She told me that we’ll eventually get to be together, and that she was going to “talk to her man,” which I assumed to mean she would break up with him. She had me waiting a while, but eventually, she flaked on me, and as much as how it hurt, I now see that it was for my own good.

4 years after that, I was 26, and working in Healthcare. There’s a girl who joined the staff shortly after I got hired, but this one’s closer to my age. In about a month of her being there, they had her move to the desk right next to me. She’s kind of lacking in the face, but she’s tall and shapely, and her way of getting noticed was by acting like a total goofball. Every morning she would get to work at 10 O’clock on the dot, sit at her desk, change from sneakers into flats, and lotion her legs. This was done religiously, and I now realize it was all part of the PsyOp she and our narcissistic supervisors were running on me. One evening I was leaving work, and she ran into me as I was waiting for the elevator. I allowed her to go first, and she held the door open for me. Upon exiting the elevator, I noticed the shape of her booty defined through her coat as she walked on ahead of me. Much like with the first girl at my previous job, I don’t think I would’ve caught feelings for this one either if I actually saw less of her, but the elevator scene was the last straw, she had me after that.

It wasn’t long after that before I fell really hard for her in a way that risked even my very sanity. After a few bad experiences, I’d decided that I was only going to maintain a professional rapport with colleagues at this new job, and that I wasn’t going to encourage any personal friendships, or love interests, but once the onset of infatuation took place, none of that mattered. This was not the first time I’d experienced infatuation, but it is to date, the greatest level of intensity I’ve ever experienced. Every day was a new kind of hell for me to face, and being asleep was the only relief I got from constant, never ending anxiety, and feelings of low self-worth. I even thought about using hypnosis to numb my feelings, but I now realize that would’ve been a mistake because my feelings are what actually make me human, and being cut off from them would’ve turned me into a sociopath, much like the very people who were trying to destroy me in that moment. Not only that, but I’d also be surrendering total control of my mental faculties to that of a stranger who I neither know, nor trust, and there’s no telling how he or she would’ve exploited my vulnerability to their advantage.

That whole saga lasted for about 6 months, until I was blindsided one idle Friday afternoon when she mentioned her husband while she and our other colleagues were talking about sex. My world was totally shattered, I struggled with my feelings for 6 months, and it was all in vain. I never mustered up the courage to tell her how I felt about her during the onset of infatuation, but at that time, I was kind of hoping to fight my feelings for her, and keep it professional, but the more I tried fighting my feelings, the more intense the feelings became. If I told her how I felt, however, I could’ve saved myself 6 months of needless torment, or, she could’ve lead me on, and give me false hope to set me up for even greater torment. The good news is I’ve finally been set free, but why did it take her revealing her husband to set me free?

You’re probably wondering what was the point of those 2 stories. Well, I do believe they help to illustrate my point of how narcissistic couples prey on unsuspecting people, and triangulate them into entanglements and love triangles. One of the relationship partners, usually the female, misleads, a single person, usually a male, who is deficient in self-love, to be the “third wheel” in their narcissistic relationship. It’s either he doesn’t know about her man, or he is fully aware of her man, but she promises to break up with him so they can finally get to be together, or she and her man are publicly separated, but she’s still secretly sleeping with him while stringing along the new man, only for him to see them smiling together in pictures on social media a few weeks, or months later, almost like they’re laughing at him.

The whole point of that picture on social media, or of him seeing them together at a function that she invited him to for the sole purpose of humiliating him is basically them saying, “Did you really think she was going to leave me for you?” The targeted individual in these scenarios may not necessarily know about her man, but her man definitely knows about the targeted individual, and he’s definitely in on it. Which is why if their tactics don’t work on the intended target, they get upset, and find other ways to taunt and antagonize him. In some cases, they might both try befriending the target as a couple, and make it seem like a platonic thing. They might even make it seem like they’re just trying to take him under their wing as mentors, or like they’re trying to help him, offer guidance and motivation, or offer counseling.

This is especially true if he’s a younger man going through some trials, as was evident in the love triangle in which August was a victim. When they approach him acting like they’re just concerned about his wellbeing, they’re basically setting him up to look like a home wrecker in a false narrative that they will no doubt spin to make themselves look like the victims at a very precise, and carefully calculated moment in the future. Their ultimate goal of using all those combined tactics is basically to keep the intended target in place so they can both keep siphoning off his energy and emotions, which must be really exhausting for the target who’s being held captive in a constant state of confusion and gaslighting for having his feelings toyed with.

They only seem to target those who appear deficient in practices of self-love. This is probably due to the fact that they think you’re an easy target. If you were totally fulfilled in life, and was in want for nothing, they’d know better than to approach you in the first place, or if they tried, they’d end up being frustrated because they wouldn’t be able to reach anywhere with you, and they’d just be wasting their time. If you were choosing your relationships, instead of getting chosen for other people’s agendas, they wouldn’t be able to get a leg up on you. The solution is to practice an abundance of self-love, but that’s not easy if you are deficient in self-love.

Self-love deficiency is usually based in childhood trauma, where the system of reward and punishment is used to control feelings of self-worth in the child. Conditional love is granted, as a reward for serving other people’s self-interest, and taken away the moment you no longer serve that purpose. Instead, your defiance is met with harassment, ridicule, or isolation, or harassment and ridicule followed by isolation, depending on the method they believe will cause the greatest amount of pain, which will then motivate you to get back in line with their agenda.

This was definitely true in my case, and if my parents had raised me to have self-worth, instead of being a doormat, I wouldn’t have been such a sucker for love in my late teens/early 20’s. I wouldn’t have allowed people to take so much from me, and feed me crumbs. I wouldn’t have allowed people to waste my time with empty promises, in fact, I’d be meeting a whole bunch of different people as a part of practicing abundance. I wouldn’t have endured 6 months of fruitless emotional anguish because I’m too afraid to tell someone how I really feel about them, and for that matter, I’d set myself free instead of waiting to be freed at the mercy of others. I would not have spent so many of my best years living in scarcity, and lack, and in fact, I’d be exploring abundance in all other areas of my life, and as such, I’d have ended long periods of unemployment much sooner than I did, if I went out and created my own occupation rather than wait for someone to give me a job. I’d have exercised more patience if it meant that I get to make a more informed decision in choosing my relationships because then I’d have more time to thoroughly vet my prospective love interests, and make sure they’re psychologically healthy.

The events of your upbringing should not serve as an impediment, but rather, as motivation in bridging your way towards the love you deserve. But first, before anyone can love you correctly, you have to learn to practice self-love, and make it apparent that that’s what you’re doing, because you’re in fact teaching other people how to love you, and what you will, or won’t tolerate, by example of how you treat yourself. Sometimes, it’s the little things in life like, diet, exercise, and getting a good night sleep. But often, it’s the big things, too, like learning to say no, especially to things that are physically, mentally, and emotionally taxing, or things that doesn’t promise to reciprocate, or that poses a threat to your dignity and peace of mind. Going no contact from toxic people who wish only to exploit your benevolent nature, and then in turn blame you for allowing it. Sparing no expense towards living a life of abundance, believing that the money you spent will come back around 10 fold, anything to prevent you from being boxed into a life of scarcity, mediocrity, and unfulfillment.

The ultimate act of self-love though, is to raise the standards of what you’ll accept in any form of human interaction for which you are involved, for no truly self-loving person will ever give the very best of themselves in exchange for a few measly crumbs. No truly self-loving person will ever allow anyone to trifle with their heart and mind like it was their own personal plaything. That’s exactly what users and takers are looking for, because it signals to them that you’re weak, desperate, and willing to put up with just about anything they dish out. You’re willing to relinquish full control over to them, and all they have to do is throw a few crumbs your way every once in a while. Once they notice that about you, they’ll never respect you, and nothing you do will restore what little respect they may have had for you in the beginning. They would’ve respected you more if you raised your standards to where they’d be forced to level up if they want to be able to reach you. Instead of searching for others to love you, focus on loving yourself first, and others will naturally feel compelled to respect you, for it is far better to be respected, than loved. It works out better that way because here you will have two strong, healthy people who are sufficient in self-worth, and self-love, who have a strong sense of respect and admiration for each other. Two sufficiently self-reliant people who are merely an addition, and not the completion of each other’s lives.

Perhaps that’s the way nature had intended it from time immemorial before Hollywood came into the picture with this whole concept of, “You’re my lifelong soulmate,” or, “you complete me, you’re my everything, I’m nothing without you,” or, “I don’t care if you say, that you’re going away, I just don’t want to be lonely,” and other such false narratives that only serve to brainwash the young, and impressionable. Yet you wonder why so many kids are depressed, and suicidal. They’re taught that their worth and esteem are externally sourced where they’d be left at the mercy of selfish and sadistic people, as opposed to looking within, or turning to the creator if they’re struggling to find the strength to look within. The kids then internalize the lie of an external sourcing of esteem well into adulthood, and you wonder why we have so many broken, damaged people in our world. Some turn into narcissists, others turn into co-dependents who are more susceptible to abuse, but it doesn’t matter what they turn into, both are highly disturbed, and therefore unfit for a relationship. But far worse than that though, both become parents, and condition their kids to be dysfunctional in one way or another, and the vicious cycle continues.

People tolerate abuse, and remain in unfavorable situations longer than they should, primarily because they’re afraid of being rejected, or they’re afraid of being alone. But what those people fail to realize is that there’s no lonelier feeling in the world than being in a room full of assholes who make you feel lonely, rejected, or otherwise ostracized from the group. And that in fact, one can be alone, but not lonely. Loneliness is only born out of a lack of self-love, feeling jaded for missing your calling, or sitting on your God given talents, and expecting others to pick up the slack. If one is spiritually fulfilled, sufficient in self-love, and living in accordance to their purpose, they will never be lonely.

When one practices self-love, it switches them over to a different frequency, then raises their vibrations within that frequency; mind, body and soul. The whole being will be transformed into something that is as close as you’ll probably come to being superhuman while still in the flesh. Your discernment will sharpen, your instinct will sharpen, and your energy and focus will be unshaken, and your strength will be renewed. The enemy will still try and tempt you, especially in areas where it knows you were once weak. The best way to defeat that enemy is to take it out of its comfort zone. You dominate the skies, and your enemy crawls on land. You have wings, and your enemy slithers on its belly eating dust and pebbles all the days of its miserable life. You have wings and it doesn’t, spread your wings, take to the skies, and force it to level up to you, it likely can’t. If it still thinks it’s on your level, pick it up with your beak one of the times and take it into the sky with you for only a minute, then let it go and tell it to flap its wings and fly, it will likely fall back to earth.

This is the beauty of leveling up, and raising your vibrations. If you go far enough, you may be surprised to learn that your enemy’s powers are limited, and that by surpassing him, you can actually do something he can’t. You would’ve never discovered that if you had stayed on his level. This is something that only self-love can do. Well now that you know you can fly, don’t let the enemy drag you back down to his level. Fly above all the drama! Answer not a fool according to his folly, unless you are the same as he is. Wrestle not with swine, you will both get muddy, but only one of you will enjoy it. Fly above the mud! Fly above the insults! Fly above the pettiness! Keep soaring higher until you can see the whole earth, and its panoramic horizons from above the heavens. Be forewarned though, it gets awfully lonesome up there, but that’s ok, at least now you know why you had to learn to practice self-love before you could level up.